the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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