How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize