You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
