im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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