He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
