turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
