I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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