i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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