Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
