The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
