You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had to cum in my sink.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
