my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
