how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everything about him screamed your future.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
