Please, let me fuck your mom
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
