i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish there were birth control emojis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize