well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO