What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.