I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you