True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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