I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
