areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
