Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
