I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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