Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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