Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
