Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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