If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
