sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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