I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
