I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
