So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
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