Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
