we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize