Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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