You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
