He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
