so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
