i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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