Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
