I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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