I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
