I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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