Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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