had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
