if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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