you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
