the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
