never play flip cup with pint glasses
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
