I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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