I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
