I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
