Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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