Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
