We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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