So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
