Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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