he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
