And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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