We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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