That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
