that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
