You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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